Zero-emissions road trips are my thing, but, dude, they’re a total shit show half the time. I’m scribbling this in a dive bar in Arizona, the kind with sticky floors and a bartender who keeps calling me “hon.” My electric car—let’s call her Jolene—is out there at a charging station, hopefully juicing up, but I’m paranoid because last night the plug kept falling out. I’m all in for eco-friendly road trips, but between busted chargers and my own dumbass moves, it’s a miracle I’m still on the road. Here’s the raw, unfiltered scoop on my electric vehicle road trip chaos, with all my screw-ups and some tips I learned the hard way.
Why I’m Hooked on Zero-Emissions Road Trips (Even Though They Suck Sometimes)
So, I got roped into zero-emissions road trips last spring, driving Jolene from Oregon to Nevada. Thought it’d be all chill, saving the planet, blasting my Spotify road trip mix. Nah. It was me, sweaty and cussing, trying to find a working EV charging station at 1 a.m.
- Apps you need, like, yesterday: PlugShare, ChargePoint, and Electrify America. They’re hit-or-miss, but better than nothing.
- My dumbest move: I forgot to check if Jolene’s plug fit the charger. Spoiler: it didn’t. Always know your car’s connector type.
Green highways are the coolest—roads with solar panels or turbines, like something from a Tesla fever dream. I hit one in California and felt like a damn eco-hero… until I got lost and ended up at a gas station. Real smooth, me.
EV Charging Stations: My Personal Hell
Charging stations are the lifeblood of zero-emissions road trips, but they’re also where I lose my entire mind. Last week, I pulled into a station in Utah, thinking I was all sustainable and shit, and totally fucked up the parking. Took up two spots like an asshole. Some dude in a Prius gave me a death stare, and I just hid in Jolene.
- Plan like you’re paranoid: Map chargers every 80 miles. Range anxiety hits like a truck when you’re at 5%.
- Bring snacks and a book: “Fast” chargers take forever. I ate a whole bag of Cheetos while waiting once.
- Check the vibes: Some stations are sketch—think no lights, no Wi-Fi. Electrify America’s guide has tips on not being a jerk at chargers.
Also, don’t be me and assume every charger works. I spent an hour yelling at a broken one in Nevada before I realized it was offline. Oops.
Green Highways: They’re Sick, But They’re Messy
Green highways are the future, or so I keep telling myself. They’ve got wind turbines, solar panels, and the whole eco-deal. I cruised one in New Mexico, and it was straight-up dope—until I figured out the next EV charging station was 70 miles away.
The U.S. is throwing cash at sustainable highways—check the Department of Energy’s EV stuff—but it’s not all smooth sailing. I want to believe in a world where green highways are everywhere and chargers don’t suck, but right now I’m just praying Jolene doesn’t die on me again.
Here’s my janky guide for surviving eco-friendly road trips:
- Be extra as hell: Plan green highway routes, but have a backup spot—like a diner with decent coffee.
- Lean into the mess: Zero-emissions road trips are chaos, but they’re worth it for the stories and, you know, the planet.
- Talk to randos: A gas station clerk in Oregon told me about a charger hidden behind a laundromat. Saved my ass.
My Worst Zero-Emissions Road Trip Disaster
Okay, here’s the part where I admit I’m an idiot. Last month, in Idaho, I thought I could “stretch” Jolene’s range to the next charger. Big fucking mistake. I ended up stranded on a creepy backroad, battery at 0%, with a hawk circling like I was in a horror movie. I called a tow truck, and the driver laughed so hard he choked on his Red Bull. I’m still embarrassed, but now I’m obsessive about mapping EV charging stations. Never again, man.
Wrapping Up My Electric Car Shitshow
Zero-emissions road trips are a wild ride—half epic, half disaster. I love the idea of green highways and being all eco-friendly, but I’m still the moron who left a charger cord dangling from Jolene last week. If you’re thinking about an electric vehicle road trip, just do it—but brace for some bullshit. Download those apps, plan your chargers, and don’t take yourself too seriously. Got any crazy EV road trip stories? Drop ‘em below—I need to know I’m not the only one who’s had a meltdown at a charging station.
